CAREGIVERS: There Is Help! (Post 142)

MONDAY, JUNE 14

Post 142

HELP FOR CAREGIVERS

Few words can describe the relief I felt when, with the bang of a gavel, a juvenile court judge decided that my then 14-year-old daughter would attend a mental health boarding school instead of prison.

(Written by Stefanie Hoffman, a writer and mental health advocate involved in NAMI. She has a blog for parents of children with mental health conditions titled, “Anything But That: Parenting the Mentally Ill Child.”)

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2019/Caring-for-the-Caregiver

So much has been recently said about getting back to normal here in the United States with the advent of COVID vaccines’ widespread availabilities. For many, normal is communicating face to face minus the fear of becoming infected … and just being around people, whether we know them or not! Isolation has been tough. Virtual medical appointments, meetings, academics, all seem to miss something essential: real human connection!

Still for some, the isolation remains: the feeling of aloneness when facing and coping with caregiving for others impacted by addiction and other mental health issues. Perhaps it’s dealing with the ill individual(s) and how to help them with recovery. Then too, other members of the family need supportive attention. Moreover, there are issues that are hard to reveal and share. Embarrassment, fear of abandonment, and ignorance of others can keep those issues close to the vest. Trying to go it alone makes for an individual’s personal version of solitary confinement.

For three months now, I have been writing about AWARENESS … extending hope and help through communities of faith to persons impacted by addiction and mental health issues. Indeed, congregations and clergy can serve as vital encouragement to each another! One terrific organization offering support for those affected, directly and indirectly, by mental health issues is NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Health. Including support for the caregiver is one of their important messages. As noted above, Stephanie Hoffman, a NAMI leader, writes encouraging words of understanding, hope, and help. Following is her article written for NAMI’s November 2019 newsletter with the focus on “Caring for the Caregiver”.

May these words of self-care remind us how we are essential in the entire process of recovery - in healing for ourselves and others!

CARING FOR THE CAREGIVER

“… So, while you might not be able to engage in self-care practices every day, here are a few ways to consider caring for you, the caregiver.

Allow Yourself To Feel

Caregiving parents often condition themselves to put aside their emotions and push on to do what needs to be done for their children. Eventually, this catches up to us. Caregivers can feel a range of emotions from sadness, grief, despondency, anger and even apathy at any given moment. Rather than suppressing or dismissing uncomfortable or painful emotions, acknowledge them. Label them aloud and let them wash through you. Until you deal with them, they’ll likely resurface again and again.

Talk To A Professional

It’s easy to want to vent to your friends and family about your worries and struggles. But friends and family aren’t always available or able to help, physically or emotionally. Speaking to someone who is trained to provide solid, impartial guidance as you deal with the difficult emotions that come with caring for a child struggling with a mental health condition will go a long way toward keeping you healthy and stronger for the challenges ahead.

Exercise

Exercise is a critical method of self-healing for your child and you! Find an exercise you enjoy and weave it into your daily or weekly routine. While your challenges won’t disappear completely during that run, Zumba class or bike ride, you might find once-overwhelming challenges a little more manageable.

Dig Into A Hobby

Few can deal with life head-on all the time. So, find something you love to do and can do with passion. Among other things, hobbies tend to keep you present—a critical tool in cognitive behavioral therapy. They can also bring you much-needed moments of joy, keeping you buoyed when seas get rough. And if nothing else, your hobby can simply be the bright spot that gives you something to look forward to each day.

Forgive Yourself

This is likely the hardest one of all. We parents often blame ourselves for everything that happens to our kids. This is especially true for parents of children with a mental health condition. It’s easy to question every misstep you’ve made—every time you lost your temper or said something you regret—and wonder if it either caused or worsened your child’s condition. But don’t go down that road. Making mistakes is part of being a parent.

Ensuring your child has your love, support and presence will give him or her a solid foundation that will help them overcome many hurdles down the road, regardless of how many bumps there were along the way.

Self-care might seem completely foreign when you’re putting so much of your time and energy into your child’s mental health—that is, until you realize selfcare’s long-term benefits. For me, talking to my therapist, going for long runs or taking salsa dance classes initially only seemed like ways to help myself cope with the stress of caregiving. What I later realized was everything I did actually made me stronger and more resilient during my daughter’s darkest days, which in turn helped her get through them, too.

What’s more, I was modeling behaviors she now regularly uses as a young adult to self-heal and become more present when dealing with challenges resulting from her illness. Now, looking back, I have no regrets in making those small investments in myself—because they were also investments in my child.”

Caring for the Caregiver, November 5, 2019 NAMI National Alliance on Mental Health https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/November-2019/Caring-for-the-Caregiver

May you find hope and help because … You are not alone! (NAMI’s motto)

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs, CCGSO

Founding Director

Gambling Recovery Ministries

https://www.grmumc.org

855-926-0761

For more information on the IGCCB Clergy/Lay Minister Certification visit:

www.igccb.org

From IGCCB’s Resources for Coping with COVID 19:

https://personcenteredtech.com/tmh/clients (Online therapy preparation for clients)
https://gambling.easywebinar.live/replay (Jody Bechtold telehealth webinar)
https://youtu.be/dYUEjIFtT8E (Jody Bechtold telehealth webinar)

For more information on gambling disorder and recovery issues, go to: