GIVE THREE GIFTS : RECEIVE THREE GIFTS (Post 136)
MONDAY, DECEMBER 14
Post 136
Give Three Gifts : Receive Three Gifts
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.
- Edward H. Chaplin
Last evening, I watched a short video that prompted me to consider how a brief bit of time – a few minutes, maybe an hour or two – can bring change into someone’s life, forever. For the good or, regrettably, for the bad! … A true story: there were two women – one a Nazi holocaust survivor and the other, a leader in the Girls Hitler Youth. They had never met each other, corresponded, or spoken on the phone. Nonetheless, an arrangement was made for them to meet, face to face for an hour.
Both were afraid but not reluctant to meet. The fear was not of physical harm. Rather it was more emotional: how would she take me? The victim and the persecutor. Or perhaps, they were each victims. As one showed the other a faded tattooed number above her wrist, pain was felt by both women.
The film did not include extensive dialogue … possibly there wasn’t much as far as spoken words go. Clearly though, there was communication. They shared a sacred space – a holy time of togetherness wherein a newness of life was beginning. The former Nazi talked about her parents who loved but didn’t show love and how she had followed suit with her own daughter. She admitted their relationship was strained. The Auschwitz survivor was a retired mental health professional. Her communication skills conveyed interest and caring. At the end of an hour and good-byes were about to be said, Ursula asked Erika if she would be open to helping her with her daughter.
During this video, the two women recognized and expressed how an ending and a beginning were taking place. Although the word forgive was not heard, a new beginning was developing, then and there.. One spoke that guilt remained, though it had evolved from individualizing the shame to more of a general feeling.
As the visit closed, I marvel at what had happened. At the start, both women feared … what would be the outcome of such a meeting? Would old feelings surface? Would anger and grief resurge? Would guilt turn to shame again? They opened themselves up to the unknown and let courage prevail. Facing the past (literally), the victims became victors. Instead of revenge, mutual aid and caring prevailed. Both were victims. Both were survivors. One would lead the other to a better life and by doing so would find personal affirmation and newer understandings.
It’s a story of giving and receiving. The giving of gifts was abundant: saying yes to meeting each other; listening and affirming; telling the truth; asking for help/extending help. As they shared their stories, they received: an opportunity to say another good-bye to a past of hurt; an invitation to grow in unexpected ways; bravery over fear; and a budding friendship based on shared new beginnings.
In truth, their meeting is the first stage of forgiveness as a process. Let’s take a closer look: (1) facing the past; (2) building courage to open a new door (in this case, to meet an unknown persecutor); and (3) let’s say it again, being honest and speaking the truth.
What then are the three gifts as seen in the title?
FORGIVING ONESELF / RECEIVING OF A FORGIVEN SELF
As one examines past actions and thoughts, search for denial. Admitting that we all make mistakes (and some may be serious) is the first step to seeing the real person we are. Still, allowing past transgressions to hold rein over our present lives can keep us in a destructive rut. Sometimes, what we think about ourselves is, actually, an unhealthy projection of others upon us. Forgiving one’s self opens up a portal to a less condemning and a more positive self-image, capable of honesty and courage.
FORGIVING OTHERS / RECEIVING PEACE
Forgiving others can go two ways. (1) The other person(s) we forgive may accept our forgiveness (or at least, our invitation to set things straight without harm to each other) (2) The other party may not want to receive or is unable to respond to our overtures of forgiveness and/or offering of a new start in the relationship. If this is the case, we can pray for peace that we have made the offer, been honest, and strengthened the courage to ask for forgiveness. In other words, the new page has been turned and it’s time to seek further divine guidance for a continuing healthy self image.
ASKING FOR DIVINE FORGIVENESS / RECEIVING AFFIRMATION AND PEACE
The process of forgiveness has a circular pattern. Again, we make mistakes! Plus forgiveness is multi-layered. As stated above, sometimes our askings for forgiveness are rebutted or the person(s) has/have died or cannot be located. I like tidy relationships but that doesn’t always happen. Being honest with oneself and asking for divine forgiveness is a valuable part of the forgiveness process. This can happen at anytime when forgiveness is an issue; it is not just a “fall back” option. Simply stated, forgiveness can feel thorny … and that’s when we particularly need guidance, affirmation, and peace. Throughout the years of ministry, I have told my parishioners, God wants to hear from you and God wants to forgive you!
During this season of gift-giving and gift-receiving, may the Gift of Forgiveness be both given and received!
Blessings,
Rev. Janet Jacobs, CCGSO
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries
855-926-0761
For more information on the IGCCB Clergy/Lay Minister Certification visit:
From IGCCB’s Resources for Coping with COVID 19:
https://personcenteredtech.com/tmh/clients (Online therapy preparation for clients)
https://gambling.easywebinar.live/replay (Jody Bechtold telehealth webinar)
https://youtu.be/dYUEjIFtT8E (Jody Bechtold telehealth webinar)
For more information on gambling disorder and recovery issues, go to:
www.indianaproblemgambling.org