LOVE IS … (Post 138)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27

Post 138

Love and Recovery

Faults are thick
where love is thin.

English Proverb

It had been a full day … a taxing day … ok, a rough day. Her husband had suddenly complained of a strong headache several weeks ago. Odd … because he hardly ever had one. Then a low grade fever developed. Again, odd … he basically didn’t get sick. Is this COVID, she had wondered. No other symptoms, just the recurring headache and fever. Several days passed and then a virtual medical appointment was arranged. The resulting test turned out negative. Still, head pain and fever persisted … one more test, and another negative finding. A few days followed … and an in-person appointment was made. Within an hour, the doctor called: don’t come, instead take him to the ER; I’ll have the orders sent before you get there. Yet another COVID test was made: negative. A different approach was now at hand; and bleeding of the brain was soon discovered. In shock, his wife and daughter could hardly believe the doctor’s pronouncement of stroke.

What followed for him were days filled with confusion and general weakness. Five days later, he came home … so much had to be done to fill the gap of strength lost and memory jumbled. Wife and daughter could barely manage to get him in bed.

Thus the days passed. Little by little, mobility increased and spots of recognition sharpened. Still, as has been said, the days were filled with more energy expended than was thought possible to help her husband regain so much that was lost. She thought often about the wedding vow promises: for better, for worse; in sickness and in health. Yes, these, also, had been on her mind many years ago when he had died in front of her on the examination table, was brought back to life by a pioneering drug, and had gone through stent surgery, and finally open-heart bypass. Much had to be done back then too during his recovery.

Other thoughts crowded her mind, as well. She steeled herself to think one-day-at-a-time. Prepare but don’t dwell! Still, she couldn’t help recognizing that her focus-on-today thoughts brought to mind the wise words from Gam-Anon members who pervasively live with uncertainty. Often, she hears what key role love plays in recovery journeys – for their loved ones and for themselves.

One evening, she decided to create a celebration of sorts: Spa Night! In the days before, when she had sponge-bathed her husband, she recalled how Jesus had washed His disciples’ feet. Why not give him a manicure and pedicure (no she didn’t use polish!). How comforting that could be. It took quite awhile … but why hurry when you want to give comfort.

Other images came to mind over those hard, more-than-full days.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a spoke clearly and strongly to affirm her labors of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails …

[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

As we review these guiding words, I see so many references to the goals as expressed within the 12 Steps to Recovery.

Certainly Steps 1 and 4 seek the truth of reality. Steps 2, 3, 6 and 7 speak of trust. Steps 5 and 10 refer to not being proud, boastful, or self-seeking. Steps 8 and 9 adhere to kindness and keeping no record of wrongs. Step 11 strives to improve conscious contact with God. Step 12 reaches out to protect others by carrying this message [of recovery] to other compulsive gamblers.

I will close this LOVE IS Post with these words from Ralph Cudworth: